Sometimes i think the biggest gap between the two of us is the fact that you keep on looking at her. even when we are conversing seriously I could see your focus dwindling into nothing when she as much as passes by. It could be the Gulf War, the rise of fundamentalism, abortion, the faulty nature of nationalism — it could’ve been the secret to living forever, when she enters your head the discussion ends. I wonder how much of your longing for her is hindering the progress of the theory you say you’re formulating in your head. Does she also stop your train of thoughts when you are analyzing the politics in Latin America?

Sometimes I wish you do not love her with the intensity you do. Perhaps then you have a chance to become an international political reporter. Or at least a decent article writer for your own blog. but love has a way of destroying people even when (or perhaps, because) it is not returned. When you love someone so deep for so long, does it wear off at any point when there seems to be no sense in holding on?

But that’s the thing. Everything she does gives you sense in holding on. A smile, a glance, a chance encounter that makes a scientific discussion impossible for the whole day. To the logical me, it seems foolish, but who am I to blame you when I’m guilty for the same thing. And the better person in me is wondering whether I want you to give up only for my selfish reason.

You see, the thing is, in my head you have me. Me, the one who is even more of an idiot, because it is in your passion in loving her that I found my love for you. And in every possibility of you finally moving on, I find the sense in holding on.

Now that I think about it, the biggest gap between you and me is perhaps the fact that I look at you with the same intensity you look at her. It is destroying me so thoroughly that I’m wondering why are you still whole.


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