‘I’m getting married next month.’
‘What? But you’re not even 28 yet, you haven’t pursued the graduate degree you always wanted, and you’ve promised that you’ll marry only after I marry…’
‘What can I say? It feels right, hasn’t that always been the most important thing?’
It has Edward, and to be honest, it still is. But I thought that I would always have you in case of High School reunion. You know, a single friend with whom I can snicker and share private jokes when the others complain about their marriage and boast about their kids. I was depending on you as my partner when I do my eye-rolling thing if someone starts to talk about their success. I was looking forward to the event, I could picture it all in my head. Now it’s all gone.
You’ve taken away all the hope I have of having fun during the reunion. Not that there is a reunion coming up, but I know it would happen one of these days, and now I grudge getting the invitation.
And no, it’s not because I hate seeing you happy. It’s not just because I look for companion for reunions, it’s because you getting married confirms the suspicion I have been having lately: that there is something wrong with me.
I think I’m afraid of growing up. Of becoming a full adult, with everything it brings. While everyone was normally adjusting to the life of an adult: marrying, having kids, accepting that life will never be as exciting as their school life; I’m still here. Thinking that I still probably fit into the High School life and all the excitement it has. I still can’t see myself as a wife, as a parent, as an adult.
It seems like everyone around me has grown. Everyone has matured, except for me. Is this how Peter Pan felt? At least I was not alone because I had you. And in my childishness of seeking for a companion, I saw fellowship in you, Edward.
But you matured without taking me with you in the process. Now I’m truly alone in my refusal to grow up, and I can see myself alone for a long time in the future.
‘I suppose everything is going to change now, won’t it?’
‘Yeah, I would have to concentrate on building my family. But we can still hang out.’
‘Just thinking about it makes me feel so alone, Edward.’