I’ll start this post by borrowing Neruda’s words: I remembered you with my soul clenched. I look back at you with regret. No, it is not about the memories we share, it is the fact that we do not share anything anymore. The memories are still with me, also the knowledge that we strayed too far and new memories are highly improbable.
A relentless childish part in me still see you as a symbol. The decades we spent growing together made you my constant. The bestfriend I know I can always have even if I had to be home-schooled. A secret corner of my social life that was truly mine.
Even when our meeting gradually became an event to update each others, I still considered you worth it. Even when we met only when one of us came up for air or needed a break, I cherished it. Even when it became more and more obvious that we are growing in opposite direction, I welcomed it.
I cannot understand where we started parting ways. I cannot understand when we stopped considering each other our sanctuary. I do not recall burning bridges, and I know perfectly well that you did not. We grew apart, reducing our sanctuary until none of it is left.
I wonder if you regret this; the separation or the memories. We lost to time and distance. We are so far that all the memories feel ancient. We trimmed our familiarity until all that is left is this post, this impersonal post I hope someday you may read if you glimpse my facebook account.
You were and still are my lesson. After you, I did not believe in forever anymore. You are my sack cloth of ashes, but I know if you resurface I will still accept you. Perhaps then I will begin believing in forever again.
You know who I am
( because if you don’t, this post is just pointless.)