A Note on Friendship

Looking back,
I remember almost every halo and every goodbye
It’s strange how life has brought us to so different paths.

I tried all week to find an analogue for friendship, till I find one I thought most fitting: a puzzle. What I’m trying to say is that every friendship is like a puzzle.  The combinations of different pieces brings different results. Some work, some don’t. Some seem to work, until you find another seemingly similar shape which perfectly fits.

This thought has been hunting me for months now. Months when I realize that I’m leaving a city in which I have an okay social life, and returning to a setting where I used to have a successful social life. I was away for years. I think my social life has decreased a lot in terms of number. Being me, I’m thankful that my social life is not dead. Besides, social media has made keeping in touch a lot easier.

But it’s not the loneliness of being plugged from your comfort zone that intrigues me, it’s the mystery of human when it comes to friendship. A discussion with a friend brought this up. Zi (my friend) brought up an excellent point in said conversation,’how is it that certain people in ther 20s still hang out with their friends from elementary school?’. This is inspite of different middleschools, highschools, university and no forced proximity. Her amazement makes sense to me, both of us are on a same page, for her ‘friendship is kind of like a phase. When you get on with life, it just goes’.

We are realistic, not cynic. Life has taught us that it goes on. We outgrew the BFF phase in life, with the knowledge that even in a group of less than 10 people it is very unlikely for all the same individuals to beat the time and distance and stay ‘best friends 4-eva’. I made a pact with 6 of my bestfriends to meet them when I hit 25. That promise was made 7 years ago, and so far I only keep in touch with two.

School is the base of almost every friendship I have. It’s not just because of the forced proximity, but also the shared experience of hating the same subjects, disliking and snikkering to the same teachers. Everything that adds up to endless conversations that builds friendship. But as time passes and life progresses, friendship only hangs on when you find new topics to talk about. Its when your talks can keep up with the progress of life that your friendship remains.

School is a phase. When you’re over it, you don’t have the same exposure anymore. Few can survive the progress of ‘hating the same subject’ and find new things to talk about. But if you don’t overcome the lack of shared experience, you’re not friends. Not for long anyway. My sister told me of a friend felt lonely in our hometown because all of her old friends didn’t come visiting during her stay. She asked, they did not came.

A cold part of me responded by saying that if that is the case, those people were never her friends. Those people just stuck with her before due to the forced proximity school provided. I’m wondering if friendship is not that clear cut.

Why am I still friends with my highschool comrade (colleague sounded too cold)? I think it is effort. Mostly on their part, some on mine. The effort to keep in touch,
remembering birthdays, listening about their current life and discuss that instead of dwelling in old memories. That is where I think the puzzle thing enters. With some people
you can fit regardless of surroundings. For some people you make efforts. For some luckier people, the others make an effort. For some, people keep being phases.

We’re both realistic,
so we know that separation may mean the end of this
I like to think that we’re both trying to hang on.
No promises,
quoting Suzanne Collins,
may the odds be ever in our favor.

NB: Zi, this one’s for you 🙂

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