On Death and the Grief

Happy Easter! Even though I have a strong  feeling that I will not talk about something which has anything to do with happiness. Indeed, death has always been associated with the opposite of happiness; grief, tears, sadness. This post is inspired by a story I heard in church during the service this morning. The story came from a singer named Solvy L. (for heaven’s sake I didn’t got her last name), she is from Maluku but grew up in Semarang.

The bottom-line of the story is that she had a fiancée and they planned to marry at March 2007. But her fiancée died and was one of the victims of  the KM Senopati accident December of 2006. For a moment, her life stopped. And  she, humanly, at some point was disappointed at God. She managed to get through it, safely with her faith still intact, but that is not what made me think.

I got at least two points from hearing this, first the ‘number problem’ and the second is on the grief point. The first, number problem, is basically how I think we have the tendency of counting victims by number, by quantity. While the truth is in a lot of cases, it’s not about number, it’s about emotional intimacy. One person died in a massive earthquake, for example. Statistically people say it’s luck; but if you care about this one person, quantity does not matter. It does not even start to make sense, because the pain is still there regardless with the same intensity may I add, and saying that there is only one victim is not even a begining of consolation.

Having said that, the second point is about the griefing process. Do you realize that when mourning people who come are most of the time talking about how poor is it that someone has to die? In the case of death, I think the one who died has the upperhand, because I always thought that the one who we should be sorry for is the one who is left behind. I mean, dying has never seemed so hard as living. Living without someone you love is the actual fight,being left is the ultimate test in life. In the end, what is death if not the end of our fight? I welcome death with relief, but the prospect of losing someone I’m close with? Ummm, we’ll have to talk about this later.

The part which sucks about griefing for me at least is knowing that even when my world stops turning, it doesn’s apply to anyone else. In the end, grief makes anyone aware of how alone we are. It is knowing that no matter how much you cry, not far from you people are still living their own life. Losing sucks, doesn’t it? Here’s my mantra: you’ll get over this. You’ll get over this. You’ll get over this. You’ll get over this. You’ll get over this. Every time sadness rushes in, I keep on saying this to myself until I believe it.

Consoling has never really been my thing. So, I guess I’ll say this my way; You’ll get over this. Heaven knows when, but at one point, in the end you will.

Minggu, 04042010

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